


Estimated Value At Auction

by who_won_the_race_back_home



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Antiques roadshow, F/F, ethical polyamory can solve a lot of problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 05:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14098638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/who_won_the_race_back_home/pseuds/who_won_the_race_back_home
Summary: How exactly did Zari and Amaya get the Mona Lisa back where it belonged?





	Estimated Value At Auction

“So, uh, what is Antiques Roadshow?”

Zari and Amaya were in the fabrication room, putting on the clothes that Gideon had crafted for their trip to 90s Montana, denim jackets and flannel and sensible boots, Zari in a slightly oversized Third Eye Blind t-shirt, whatever a Third Eye Blind was.

“I think you would have a better chance of knowing than I would,” Amaya said.

“Antiques Roadshow is a program that aired on public television for several decades, where people brought in their personal antiques to be examined by professional appraisers,” Gideon helpfully provided.

“That sounds...pretty lame,” Zari said.

“Antiques Roadshow is amazing.” Nate popped his head in as he passed by, at the tail end of Gideon’s explanation. “My mom and I used to watch it all the time. It’s just all this cool old shit that people have lying around in their attics and basements. Some of it is worth serious money.”

“Of course.” Zari turned to Amaya. “Well, there you go. Lame.”

“Be nice,” Amaya said, playfully smacking Zari in the arm.

Nate didn’t seem to mind. “Oh! You guys definitely need to bring something. I’m sure the Mona Lisa is going to get eyed by the producers to be on the show, so you’re gonna want to do that too.”

“Nate, do you just want to go?” Zari asked. “I can go get the dog with Wally.”

“No, it’s cool. We haven’t gotten the chance to hang much since he got on the ship. Plus, I love dogs. And Laika the space dog? That’s awesome.”

Amaya chuckled and went over to kiss Nate on the cheek.

“So, what should we take?” she asked.

* * *

On Nate’s advice, they had decided on taking a Picasso sketch from the ship’s small, but impressive art collection, a drawing of a little round owl. According to Nate similar items got grouped together and as he said, “There is no way they won’t want that on TV.”

“We are the only brown people here,” Zari said, quickly scanning the crowd in front of them, a sea of old white people in high waisted jeans and terrifyingly ugly sweaters. “Also the only ones under 50.”

“Is it really that surprising?” Amaya asked, tugging gently on Zari’s sleeve to move further up in line.

“No, but everyone’s, like, politely staring at us. Might be harder to sneak off with a priceless painting,” Zari said.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Amaya said, putting on her best fake polite smile as they reached the front of the line.

“Well hello there ladies,” said a kindly old woman at a folding table, who only gave them a sort of sideways glance. “So nice to see some younger faces interested history! What do you have today?”

The drawing raised her eyebrows, and there was amazement in her voice as she handed them a ticket and pointed them towards another line for the fine art appraisers. People swirled all around them carrying various family heirlooms and tugging wagons loaded with period furniture behind them. Near the center of the room, a couple camera crews were set up and people dressed way better than the Montanans were telling them how much all those knick knacks from grandma were worth.

“This is a TV show that was watched? By actual human beings? Just, like, people learning how much their dresser is worth?” Zari said, increasingly confused by the situation she had found herself in. “Einstein in the ice age makes more sense.”

“I don’t know. It’s a little charming,” Amaya said, her eyes caught on a Tiffany lamp at a nearby table.

“You mean aside from the casual racism or...” Zari said.

“I just–I can understand why Nathaniel likes it.”

“Well yeah, cause he’s a dork. Like, it’s endearing, sometimes, but he’s still a dork.”

Amaya rolled her eyes fondly and let out a laugh. The man in front of them turned to glare, and Zari moved to flip him off, but Amaya caught her hand and the man turned back, looking at their hands and muttering to himself.

“Z, please do not get into a fist fight at the antiques show,” Amaya said,

“We should’ve traded Nate and Wally for the dog mission.”

They slowly inched up the line, keeping an eye out for the Mona Lisa, but still hadn’t managed to spot it by the time they neared the front. The rude man ahead of them had a boring painting of a bowl of fruit, and in overhearing the conversation with the appraiser, it was pretty much worthless. It took everything in Zari not to childishly stick out her tongue at him as he sulked away. Almost as if she sensed Zari’s impulse, Amaya tugged on her arm and focused her towards an older man sitting behind a slightly fancier folding table.

“So, what do you girls have today?” the man asked, his eyes going wide as he pushed his glasses up his nose when Zari laid the drawing in front of him. “My goodness, where did this come from?”

“Uh, it was in my grandpa’s house?” Zari said, trying to come up with a lie on the fly. “He said he didn’t know if it was legit or not, so here we are!”

“Well, I do believe it is authentic, I’m fairly sure there are a number of these owl drawings known, but I need to consult with a colleague who’s more familiar with his work. Excuse me a moment.”

As he stepped away, Amaya began to scan the crowd again, while Zari glanced around at the items being examined near them.

“It is kind of a cute little owl,” Zari said, looking back at the drawing

“I think I found it,” Amaya said, pointing towards a small crowd that had gathered by one of the camera crews. In between the bodies, there was a tiny glimpse of a famous enigmatic smile.

“Well shit, how are we supposed to grab it from the busiest spot in the whole room?”

“Hello! Frank here says you two have a Picasso drawing?” a voice said from behind them. She was a woman who looked like exactly the type of person who knew a lot about modern art. Big, crazy hair, an asymmetrical knit poncho, and statement earrings. She took the drawing and examined it closely. “Like Frank told you, Picasso did a number of sketches of this particular owl figure, and we know of several in museum and private collections, but there is certainly evidence to suggest there are more out there, and I believe this is one of them!”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” Amaya said, distracted, trying to keep one eye on the Mona Lisa.

“It truly is. You two brought in something very special today. We’d like to feature it on the show we’re filming for PBS. Would one of you be willing to be on camera? It would be with me, and it would just be a little chatting about the piece and its history, and I’d tell you what I believe to be the value,” the appraiser said.

“Yes?” Zari said.

“Fantastic! You two follow me.” The woman stepped out from behind the table and led them both towards the middle of the room, and the Mona Lisa.

“It will be a bit of a wait, there’s only so many we can tape at once, but the producers will be over in a moment with some waivers to sign, and to get you mic’d,” she said.

She left to find a producer, and Zari saw they were setting up to film the segment with the Mona Lisa. She could just make out what some of the crew were saying, they were looking to film it as a segment on spotting forgeries.

“They think it’s a fake,” Zari said, hushed and close to Amaya’s ear.

A crew member propped it up on an easel and went to work lighting it. Zari was trying to figure out how best to try and sneak away with it. There were so many people, and already too many eyes were on them.

“How fast are you?” Amaya asked, quietly

“What?”

“There’s an unlocked set of double doors just past that crowd of people, looks like it’s leading to the rest of the building,” Amaya said, subtlety gesturing to the crowd on the other side of the set. “If we can get there, we can easily lose whatever security might follow and time courier to where we need to drop it off.”

“That is insane,” Zari said.

“I really don’t think we have a lot of other options.”

Zari looked all around the room, trying to find a better option, literally anything other than stealing the most valuable painting in the world in front of hundreds of people, but Amaya was right. They probably weren’t going to get a better shot than this. And if they didn’t go now, Zari would actually end up on Antiques Roadshow.

“Shit. Fine. Okay,” she said, readying herself. “For the record, this is a terrible idea and I really hate that you’re right.”

Amaya gave her a mischievous smile. “Noted.”

And then she was off, crossing the few feet to the painting and grabbing it before Zari even started moving. It took a moment for the television crew to realize what was happening, and were shouting and pointing by the time Zari started chasing after Amaya. She ducked through the crowd effortlessly, bewildered onlookers clutching their valuables close as the two of them sprinted past. Zari tucked the Picasso drawing under her arm and tried to catch up a little closer. She touched her totem and used a gust of wind to gently knock over a few people caught deer in the headlights in their path. By the time they reached the doors, four security guards were a few yards behind, struggling to try and catch up.

Amaya burst through the double doors, sprinting straight down the hall and taking a sharp left at the first juncture. Zari could hear the pounding footsteps of the guards not too far behind. By the time she made the turn, she saw Amaya ducking down another hall, and when Zari went to follow, she had lost Amaya. It was a long empty hallway in front of her. The guards were shouting and Zari didn’t have time to stop, so she kept running. Half way down the hall an arm reached out and pulled her into a narrow entryway she didn’t even see.

“What the–“ she was cut off by Amaya’s hand over her mouth. She was breathing heavy, and pulled Zari up against her, further into the shadows of the little side hall she had found. Only a couple seconds later, the security guards ran past, careening down another corridor.

“Holy shit. I thought that only happened in movies,” Zari whispered.

“You could probably say that for a lot of things that happen to us,” Amaya said.

Winded,tucked into a forgotten hallway of the Billings Convention Center with the world’s most valuable painting leaning against her leg, and up against Amaya, who was grinning like a fool at her, Zari pressed forward. She kissed Amaya quick and hard, really just a press of lips together, before realizing what she was doing and pulling back.

“Oh my god. I’m sorry I just–“

She was cut off by Amaya grabbing the back of her neck and tugging her back in for another kiss. It was soft and sweet, and Zari felt Amaya’s smile against her lips, her hands toying with the hairs that had come loose from Zari’s ponytail.After a few long moments they broke apart, panting, mostly from the chase, but at least for Zari, a little from the rush of kissing Amaya.

“Cool. This is cool,” Zari stammered, not sure where to put her free hand, because she was still holding the Picasso, or her eyes. “Everything is, uh–“

“Cool?” Amaya said, grabbing Zari’s hand in hers and running her thumb over Zari’s knuckles.

“Yeah. Cool,” Zari said, looking at their intertwined hands. “Um, wait. What about Nate?”

Amaya took a breath and nodded. “I will talk to him and we’ll figure it out.”

“Oh,” Zari said. “Okay. Figure it out. That’s–“

“Cool?” Amaya offered.

Zari ducked her head into Amaya’s shoulder and felt her laugh. “Shut up,” Zari said.

They stayed that way while they caught their breath, quietly leaning onto one another. Eventually, they heard the footfalls of the guards that had chased them echoing a couple halls away.

“We gotta go,” Zari said. “Wait, when do we even have to bring this back to?”

Amaya pulled out her phone and looked at the note Sara had sent. “Looks like the Lourve, 1962.”

“Well, I have always wanted to see Paris,”

* * *

Hours later, after Mallus possessing Sara’s body and everyone almost dying, and fixing the ship, and a stilted family dinner, Nate caught Zari and Amaya as they were making their way to their bunks for the night.

“Hey, so, did you guys end up on the show?” he asked, and they both looked at him like he had grown a second head.

“Nathaniel, what are you talking about?”

“The show, Antiques Roadshow? Did you get to be on it?”

“Uh, no,” Zari said, a little harsh, which Nate took in stride. “We were trying to get a priceless painting.”

“We almost were,” Amaya said, gently, putting a hand on Zari’s shoulder to calm her. “But the chance we had to grab it came first.”

“Sorry, Nate,” Zari said, the fight in her shoulders sinking. “It was a long day for all of us. I’m just a little wiped.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m a little on edge too,” he said. “And that sucks. Seems like it would have been fun.”

"Mostly uncomfortable actually?” Zari said. “But the 90s certainly were something.”

That got Nate to laugh a bit. “Yeah, well, they were for all of us I guess.” He paused, looking back between the two of them. “Do you guys want to watch an episode with me? I’m still too wired to sleep.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Amaya said, looking to Zari.

“I want to know what the fuss is all about, sure,” she said.

“Really? Oh, awesome. Okay, I’ll see if Gideon can find the one where there’s this lady and she brings in this, like, old pirate’s pistol,” Nate said.

Amaya’s eyes lit up at that, and both Nate and Zari smiled bright at her. The three of them turned around and headed for the library, Amaya leaning on Nate, and bumping her hand against Zari’s.

“Oh, Z, I totally forgot to ask, because of Mallus and everything, but can I have that Third Eye Blind t-shirt Gideon made you? I loved them in high school,” Nate asked.

“Sure, buddy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Much like how it was a crime I didn't get to see the Legends be a disco band, it is a hate crime against me personally that I did not get to see Zari and Amaya experience the Antiques Roadshow in 1997, because Antiques Roadshow is the greatest television program of all time.
> 
> Also Third Eye Blind's first album is over 20 years old and that makes me feel like the Crypt Keeper. 
> 
> Yell with me about your favorite Antiques Roadshow appraisals over on [tumblr.](http://angrypedestrian.tumblr.com)


End file.
